Little bit of longing

So I've been a bit off balance.  A little out of sorts.   Been "kinda sad", ... that I can put my finger on...

But it's the "something else" that I can't quite name...

It's a little bit of "something's missing", a little bit of ache and a little bit of longing

There are some Momma Fears that we all share...I think.

Here's one...some day I'm gonna look back and wish I had spent more time, read more books, played more games, simply wish that I'd done, well, .........more.

I've thought about it, and continue to do so, with each child.  I thought about it the other day, but it came at me from a different angle.  It came at me from the far end looking back.  And I was surprised to find that the view was different than I had expected.  I don't remember the books I couldn't read or the games I couldn't play.....but I remember the things we DID read, and the things we DID play.     

cause when you pack up a piece of your heart and send it far away,

you don't wanna have any regrets

                         

The all-star jerseys beside the shirt that New York firefighters gave him

at the Shanksville memorial when he was twelve...that was an amazing day...

because sometimes you have a day where something extraordinary happens.

 Dozens of trophies and a mom wonders where all the time went...

but comfortingly, it's been a quarter to seven in his room for about the past five

 years....so,some things never change.

   

so you do whatcha gotta do...

we packed him up

and when we were loaded...

and after one final Sheetz stop since there aren't any there

we headed south...

and this is the view from his dorm....

Downtown Nashville

We got there early and had to wait till move-in time

What I believe to be the world's largest dorm room....

and amazingly 3 guitars, a pedal board, an amp, and an amp head all fit under the bed, as did the box for a 32" TV fondly known as his computer monitor...because who could ever run pro-tools to do music production on a regular size monitor ?!  That would be unthinkable.

and we made the typical walmart run...you know the one where the walmart around the corner is

full of moms and dads in university t-shirts, buying lamps and rugs, and such

and we bought a rug

and I should have bought more than one t-shirt... cause I'm gonna wear it out

  

Move-in weekend.... structured as a family event, with

 Saturday picnic and Sunday morning family worship.

Student games on the lawn, one of which appeared to be some

sort of dancing game, to which his brothers commented that they 

didn't feel he had enough "swag" to be participating in...

...and Matthew danced in the parking lot as he offered this comment regarding his brother

The music in this place!  Oh, the music...so much music... beautiful.  He will love it here, so much.  It is the school of his dreams...the city of his dreams.  

and the Dean told a story from his college experience. 

He said, "We were told, 'Look to your right and look to your left.  Soon only one of you will be left here'."  The Dean said, "I decided when I got a chance to speak into students' lives I would tell a different story."  Then he told the kids to look to their right...then look to their left.  He said, "You are here to help the people sitting beside you."  

Sunday morning family worship was wonderful.  Worship is our "thing" anyways.  So it was the one time that I let tears fall freely as I stood there lost among the hundreds of other parents with hands raised to the Father.

 I will never in all my days, with words spoken or sung, be able to give back to God even a small measure of what He has given to me by allowing me to lead worship with my sons.

eternally grateful

and then the college leadership donned their formal garb...

and they prayed for the students...that they would do their best, 

and that they would serve a purpose higher than themselves, and 

that they would remain true to the Lord.

I watched another mother extend her tears and hugging beyond their acceptable length as her son stood near a crowd of students...and I determined that I would never do that even though that's how I felt.

We left him far.  But we left him at the most beautiful music college in the country.  And we left him in the land of  "Yes, Ma'am" and "Yes, Sir".  It's so him.  So I know it's wonderful.  I watched him, my confident, competent son...and I knew it was so completely right up his alley.  And I know he's an adult, and I know he has waited a long, long time for this...but I was still thankful for sunglasses to hide the tears when we stepped out of the arena.

and his dad, my sweet man, said he'd walk with him a ways... you know, to tell him some things. 

 Whatever it is that dads tell sons.  And then, I watched him walk off...

So maybe I'm a little off balance, and maybe I'm not even quite whole right now, and maybe I even wonder a bit if God gave me a strong enough heart to be a mother, cause all that diapering....heck, that was a walk in the park!  But I know that the Father laid out this day for my son long before He gave him to me.  I know it's his time....and I know this is what he was meant to do at this moment in time..

....and I also know that joy is a choice...a daily choice, not something we always "feel", but something we choose to "be"... and I always want to be joyful.  I do.  Because my goodness, the God of the Universe loves us and isn't that reason enough even without all the plethora of blessings He pours on us?  

So I'll choose joy...really I will...and I'll even get back to being not "off-balance" too... 

....maybe tomorrow 

Just catching up on some photos

We are still working through Faith's strabismus.  Her surgery was postponed for a while because there appeared to be a bit of improvement, but it was short lived.    Her corrective surgery is coming up in September.   As her momma, I will be mighty glad when it is over.

And some photos from Verizon Winner's Circle.  It was special for Mitch and Mitchell both to earn Winner's Circle status together this year.  The trip to Nemacolin Resort is always a treat.  I tried to catch a few photos during their round of golf.  Pretty poor quality because all I had along was my phone, but so glad I was able to capture a few. 

Matthew in his way-cool glasses?  So, he started wearing these glasses frames with no glass a few weeks back.  Pretty soon younger kids at church were walking around wearing them too!  And he even showed me a facebook photo the other day of a boy whom he counseled at camp...he had on "frames" like this and had his hair spiked up like Matthew too....so funny.

This was a HUGE deal!  Gracie has been saving her money for nearly a year to buy her very first American Girl Doll.  Her Daddy decided that instead of ordering online, we would take her to the American Girl store in D.C. to get her doll.  It was really special and exciting for Gracie. 

And some photos I took before leaving for ballet recital.

Gracie's 11th Birthday Party!

During the party, we heard the ice cream truck coming.  My dad couldn't resist flagging it down for Faith.

And a chore we haven't had much success at yet...teaching Faith to ride a two-wheeler.  She usually ends up in the bushes or tangled up in the bike.  Oh well, she'll get it eventually.

At least she's got the cuteness factor down pat.

Last Day at VZW

We couldn't be more proud. Mitchell has worked long and hard to save up for his dream school...and in two weeks, he will begin classes there as a junior, having done his first two years locally. He has worked hard and saved hard. He was the youngest sales rep ever hired by VZW, yet he earned some of the company's top awards, continually being the top rep in his district.  He and his Dad both earned winners circle status this year...so that was special, to do it together.

Well, yesterday was his last day, and we were all a bit sad. His dad has enjoyed the blessing of having his son work for his same company. They've been able to share their experiences and at times even work in the same places. So, it's been good... One of those experiences that at the on-set, you wonder how it's gonna go. I remember dropping him off for 6 week training and crying as we drove away from the hotel. But it has been good. Real good.

His job was a real blessing and we're all so grateful. It gave him the tools to build a bridge to the school he never really thought he'd get to attend.

 He enjoyed the job and enjoyed his co-workers. His co-workers apparently enjoyed him too because they threw him a big going-away party. One of his co-workers told him that people come and go all the time, but she'd never seen them throw anyone a party...that speaks volumes of our Mitchell.

And they left him a thoughtful gift on his car for his last day.

Apparently child labor was used in this crime.

 He says he has enough post-it notes to last the next two years.

The professional pose.....

The non-professional pose...

We sure do love you Mitchell.

This is why

For posterity...I suppose that's why.  Or in case one of them should someday start to forget.  In case they never find the journals in the keepsake chest.  May they someday know when they pull this off the shelf in hardcover form, that it was important to me to write that their Momma and Daddy loved each other well.

There are the nights on the rocker, when you fear falling asleep and dropping the baby because you haven't had a decent night's sleep in months.  There are the days when you struggle to maintain consistency with a strong-willed child.  Then there are the days when those little ones reach an age where some of what you've poured in, some of that heart and soul, begins to flow out of them and back to you.   ...Then comes a day like yesterday...when you sit on the bed of your son...the son who stomped his little foot at you when he was two, the one who tried all your patience, the one who taught you that it was laughable to think you knew anything about parenting before he came along...that son, now in a man-sized body, and you sit there and explain to him that when he is married, he must daily tell his wife how beautiful he thinks she is and how much she means to him....


...because that's what his daddy does

...and that's how much it means to his momma

I wonder what a young man thinks when his momma explains to him that someday a long time from now, when his wife begins to look in the mirror and note every new wrinkle, his notes telling her she's beautiful will have the power to convince her that she is...


...because that's what his daddy's notes do

...and that's how much it means to his momma

Oh, I pray that they love well.



And I pray that my sweet girls follow well and become their husband's biggest cheerleaders, biggest supporters...that they learn to honor and respect...

...because that's what their momma tries to do

Oh, Lord, that they would love well.

Thanking God this day.      

A Mighty Huzzah for having a computer...

I was sure that after my long sabbatical from having a functioning computer, I wouldn't even remember how to run one anymore....but alas, I am finally in possession of a properly functioning computer and have discovered it's just like riding a bike.  I was so excited to post my new family photo on my header!  More photos to come soon.