Marathon post to include (but not limited to) many ramblings

Last week, on August 23rd, we celebrated Faith's third Gotcha Day. I can't believe it has been three years already. (although in a way it seems it's been for always) We hooked the computer up to the big screen TV and watched her adoption video as a family.

She loved it, although she said the only thing she remembers is that I had a pink backpack for her.



I cried through the video. When I watch it now, it strikes me how little and scared she looks. She looked so little. It also takes me back, and I remember how new and how raw all those feelings were.

Dear Father in Heaven, what if You had never handed me all those things to learn...all those feelings, all those lessons, all the things I thought I knew...but I didn't...all the beauty of this incredible child, all the things I've learned about myself and about You, Father. What if You hadn't taken me...

I wouldn't be the same person.


It is no news to anyone close to me that we've wanted to adopt again for quite a while. We have struggled with it, wrestled with it, had trusted prayer partners bringing it before the throne with us...but, we have just not seen God open any doors like He did before. It hurts my heart though, in a deep way. As I watch others coming home, and as I look at Faith's life...it leaves an ache in my heart. 147 million orphans in the world, and I've told God I haven't done my part yet. I know He knows my heart, but I also know that when He moves, there is no mistaking...for He moves with assurance and clarity. But, oh, my heart. It leaves an aching. I never really speak of it. Shhhhhh..... If you're reading it here, you're reading a raw piece of my heart. We won't tell anyone.



So, as the super-organized mom that I am, I do Not have a gotcha day photo...
So, I thought I would just use this mega-cute photo that Matthew took with his cell phone when he walked by Faith's door a few weeks ago.
He tweeted it and captioned it, "Been making this food all day."
So, here it is in all its glorious blurriness...
It's a cryin' shame we don't have any play food.



Today found us on a trip to a pediatric ophthalmologist, who diagnosed Faith with an eye problem called Exotropia. Her right eye has been drifting outward and is slowly worsening. Our local eye doctor examined her a few months back and determined she should be seen again in a year. After spending a whole 'zero' hours in medical school...I knew that was the wrong answer. It turns out she will need surgery in a few months to correct the condition which, he said, can fairly quickly cause vision damage if not corrected. That surgery will happen sometime this winter.



And today as she and I sat having our French toast she said, "You do that alot."
"What?" I asked.
"Cooking," she said. (at this point I thought we were going to discuss the Hallmark channel again...but alas, she was having other thoughts)
"Yes," I said. "When you're a momma you'll cook alot too."
"No I won't!" she said very certainly.
"Why?" I asked.
"Ughhhh...!!" she huffed disgustedly at me. "We already talked about this!!"
"What?"
"About I'm not gonna have any kids!"
"Why?" I asked.
Faith: (very disgustedly like I should have known better than to ask her, lowering her voice so no one would hear her but me)
"We already talked about this!! Because I am NOT kissing on the lips!!" and as if to punctuate it all, as she popped a bite of French toast in her mouth she mumbled to the French toast..."I'm just not doin' it!"

Alrighty-then.

She's right.

She did already tell me that.

...my bad.


AND

I realized I never posted Gracie's 10th birthday photos!! So here are a few.



All she wanted was to get her ears pierced. Which she did. Which was great until it came time to change the earrings and the other day I really thought she might decide to let them grow shut. Momma was the tough one though, who forced them back in. A few tears later and we're no worse for the wear.



It was a big summer for my big girl. She went to camp for the first time. She loved it. I hated her being gone for a whole week. She really could run this house. She is my right hand.


AND


Faith lost her first two teeth. And tell me....
what exactly is wrong with me that I thought that perhaps just one of my children wouldn't need braces. Perhaps they could have come up a little more crooked...but I think Not! Looks like we are 5 for 5 now.

But the tooth fairy did bring her a chocolate truffle and she has taken to saying, "I can't wait to get MY braces on!" So all's well in her little world.

AND

You know those signs?

You know.

I'm thinking of getting one.



"Every day, millions of gallons of water are used to wash towels that have only been used once. Hanging your towel back on the rack means that you've decided to save a tree and have mercy on your mother....."

You know.

AND

Oh, and one day in joking I taught my kids this old, old, old, old song to which the words go, "Yes, there is no sweeter name than Mother. Mother is the sweetest name I know." You all know it? My kids now taunt me with it.

AND

Nathan got married. We had him for not quite a year. But we grew to love him and so I chronicle that here, and show you my two favorites of the wedding photos I took for him.





SO

School starts in a few weeks. We start the middle of September. I like to deny fall/winter as long as possible because winter is just so stinkin' long!



I love that my children are here with me.
I am forever grateful that when the bus goes by...my children are still here.
FOREVER GRATEFUL.



I love that school will mean that Matthew's work schedule will be going back to 2 days a week. His work schedule has been so heavy I don't see him much. I am ready to get my Matthew back !!



I love that the Olympics have spurred an urge in my kids to create new flips, and contests, and competitions on the swingset. (I love that I can still do backflips off the swing with the kids...even though I pay for it the next day.)







yes, that's me
I'm working up my nerve to try my handspring
I doubt that not having done one for 25 years will hinder my ability to still pull it off
after all, I can still do it in my head


I love that we discovered the beauty of taking nighttime walks around the commuter airport near our house...because all the runway lights are beautiful at night and the crickets are a beautiful soundtrack.

I love, love, LOVE that Faith calls my daddy "The Papster" !!!!!



(Do you think it sheds negative light on me as a mom that my child is out doing backflips on the swingset in her jammies at 12:00 noon?)

(Not that I care....I just wondered)

I love that I've gotten to have my Mitchell a little longer than I expected to, as he's working this one last school year till he amasses all the tuition and board he needs to head off to the school of his dreams (Lord willing). So, next September, when I'm a muddled mess of tears...I'll try to remember that I'm grateful for this time I have now.

I love knowing the kids so well that I know what they can do, and what they can't do...and I'm grateful for the grace that says "it's ok if you can't".
We had one of those "cant's" this week...and it was ok.

God is good.

And last, but not least. Mitch and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.



Our family threw us a surprise party which, much to my surprise, actually surprised me!



I find it unfair that he looks as good as he did the day I married him.




And Christian found the need to wrap his cousin Ben to look like an angel.



And I wanted to include a photo of my sweet great Uncle Blair and Aunt Kay. At my age, the 'greats' and the 'grands' have become few...and I treasure them. Uncle Blair is the last sibling of my sweet Gam that just passed away. Uncle Blair has always been fun and it is a family joke that he asks for peanut butter at every family dinner.



Thanks Family!!!

I suppose the last tidbit for this lengthy post is that yesterday we spent the day at Delgrosso's Amusement Park for their year-end Christian festival/concert day. When the teens went off to ride the big rides, the rest of us took Faith to kiddie land. As she rode around a little circle on one of the rides, she looked less than thrilled.

It stopped.
She got off, walked over to me and very seriously said, "Mother, I just feel like that was really baby-ish."

So it was no more kiddie land for her, and Uncle Howard had to buy a ride pass to take her on all the big rides (because I would get sick)!!
Thanks Uncle Howard :)



....that's all folks !

Remembering Shanghai

A few weeks ago, we traveled to Lancaster County to an anniversary party for my Uncle Ronnie and Aunt Bonnie. We had an interesting interaction which came about because Faith happened to notice a Chinese woman on the other side of the room. Now, this, of course, happens periodically...in the grocery store, in the mall, etc, and her reaction is always the same...she yells loudly, "Hey, there's someone from China!"

I, of course, correct her and explain that this is rude, but in the back of my mind, I always figure that if anyone ever turns and expects to be offended...when they view their offender, all hard feelings will fade away. So, she yelled as usual. But we did not get to walk over and introduce ourselves at the moment.

When the party was over, I had an opportunity to introduce myself to this woman and ask where she was from. She was from Shanghai. She had come to the U.S. as a young adult and was now married and living in Lancaster County. I quickly asked if she would meet and talk to my daughter. I brought Faith to her and the woman's face just lit up. She was so excited and began chattering away to Faith in Chinese. Now, we've been through this scenario before, like the time they spoke to her at the Chinese restaurant. In the past, it has always made her angry when someone spoke to her in Chinese. But this time....this time was very different. For the first time, Faith did not resist. I could see a determined look on her face. She was listening very hard to see if she could understand anything...

She did not.

For the first time, she did not turn away from the sound. She listened...for the first time. Faith said, "When I think about it really hard and am remembering...it just reminds me that she seems like Deeya (her nanny in China)."

The woman and I talked about how sad it is to lose a language. She told me how much she loved seeing Faith and that when she sees someone from China she feels an instant bond to them.

When she told me she was from Shanghai, and I thought about how far away from home she was...I was so glad to be able to tell her that I had been there, that I'd seen her city, that I knew where she was from. Later in the car, Matthew and I discussed our impression of Shanghai...like a city of the future, with its massive stacked highways, highrise buildings as far as the eye can see, solid cement tan-grey landscape, grey sky, and not a speck of bare ground to be seen. And I pictured her there. Oh, I saw such a small fraction, but I cannot express how it made me feel, like in some strange way I felt that perhaps it warmed a spot in her heart to know that I'd seen her Shanghai.

And so we talked. For a long time.

I told her some of our funny China stories...like when a waitress told me, "Your daughter trying to tell you she has to potty." or When we were walking down the street in Guangzhou and Faith said something to some passers-by on the street. They laughed, we had no idea what she told them, and so we assumed she had told them how strange we were."

She thought the stories were so funny.

Then the conversation turned more serious.

She talked about how glad she is to be here. She talked about things that are so different in America. She talked about how she was amazed by how families in America want children and want to take care of them...how they want to take in these children that the Chinese have pushed away...and how she was amazed by that.

She cried when she said it.

And then of course I cried too.

Moments like these are such an incredible blessing, and then I think about how many times, we come away from a brief encounter with someone else...just a brief encounter and yet there was something in it so deep and magical.

It was one of those moments.

Anna Grace

Anna Grace age 10