This I Know

I pulled my scarf a bit more tightly around my neck and broke into a bit of a jog to the door.  The wind felt cold and once again, I wished for never-ending summer.  Balancing the phone in my neck, I swung her up into the seat of the cart and handed her my list, along with instructions to "hold it up where Mother can see it because ballet only lasts an hour."

It seemed like she sang the whole time...in actuality it was only a few minutes, I'm sure.  I listened intently... because I knew it was really important...    Oh, ...not the song.  That wasn't important... (although it was very important to her).  It was that decision over college majors and coursework that was pressing...I listened. Standing in the cereal isle, searching for that healthy, low sugar cereal that would tempt even the most finicky young teen.

And somewhere along the way... the song, and grams of fiber, mixed with  the transfer of summer course credits and the outlook for internships, which far surpass my areas of expertise (if, in fact, there are any of those)...and I wished that at some point in my life I had taken the time to learn to juggle...and I gave my best advice, but wished I could do more...wished I truly knew the best answers.....and the song was something about wanting pink cake with pink icing for her birthday.

We figure it out one day at a time.

She's been working and waiting a long time for this.  Being fitted for pointe shoes was a big milestone.

My sweet, sweet Grace.  My life would be so incomplete without you.  The day God gave me that verse about grace and I knew somewhere deep in my heart that you were on the way...well, let's just say you are so much more than I could ever have longed for.

In other news.... once in a while there's that time when you smash your hand into the edge of the cupboard trying to hurriedly hide your chocolate because you hear footsteps running out the hall and you have no desire whatsoever to share said chocolate...nor to let anyone in on the secret of its whereabouts...and child (who shall remain nameless) comes around the corner just in time to see you nursing your wounds.  Yep.

 ...and after being up far too late several nights in a row helping large college boys with papers and such...I sent everyone off to church today while I played hooky and stayed in bed way too late and had this sweet, sweet dream that the just the three of us...(you know..... Me, Martina McBride, and Faith Hill) were having this deep conversation about how to properly maintain your singing voice as a  forty*ahem*somethings age singer. ...So, sleeping in... it was totally worth it.

Back on track with earlier mentioned shopping trip....

When we reached the checkout...even though one pint sized child was in the seat of the cart the whole time... there it was.  It was right there in the cart.

One pink cake mix and one can of frosting with sprinkles!!!  I kid you not.  Truly amazed at her resourcefulness as usual.

I put it back, because, of course, Jennie was making her cake.  I suppose birthday pictures would fit in perfectly about now for our new 7 yr. old.

Been asking alot of questions lately about her birth mother (for which of course there are no real answers, but I wish there were)   Sweet girl, you are mine.  Every heart in this family needed you.  I am one grateful Momma...and Don't you ever forget that.

And we had another birthday a few weeks back... Christian's 15th birthday in October...

Christian, my sweet guy...this family would be so dull without your wit and humor.  I love you so so crazy.

There was fall break.

I had gotten ok...'bout missing Mitchell.  ...then he came home for a few days.  The second I saw that smile again, I wanted to cry.  Mitchell, I miss you so much.  Sometimes I walk into your room because it still smells like you in there...

excuse me for a sec while I run for a tissue

A lesson I read to the girls the other day asked, "What things have your parents taught you?"

Here are Faith's answers (which can only be understood in depth by all who truly know and love her):

1.  "Keep water and food away from your books."
2.  "Stay inside the fence in the play yard so you don't get killed."
3.  "Don't waste paper...cause then you'll use it all up and you'll run out."

Friday's science lesson was about oxygen..the typical grade one lesson about how we all need air to breathe and how every living thing needs it.  I realized it was too simple when Faith interrupted and broke into telling me about how astronauts have to wear oxygen masks to breathe, just like the people who climb Mount Everest because there's not enough air up there.  She concluded by telling me she wants to climb Mount Everest some day, and then she headed off to the bookshelf to read a book on Mount Everest.  Someday when I have a few spare DAYS I'm gonna write a blog post about her entitled "Smart as a Whip".

...and people wonder why it seems I'm losing brain cells at such a rapid pace....my theory is,  I think they're all leaving via osmosis and moving on to a more promising ground housed under that jet black hair.

God, your works are marvelous...this my soul knows oh, so very well.

To You be the Glory

Greetings from the funny farm...

The sky was so blue that I lacked a word for it.  The color, crisp...and I had that feeling.  A desperation of sorts.  The landscape...the mountains...so breathtakingly beautiful.

But that chill, and the way the sun is fading into the southern sky never ceases to generate this familiar sense of desperation...or perhaps it's some sort of restlessness.

I want to feel the sun and soak it up...want to take in every color...want to remember what the mountains look like right now, today.

It's the first season with an empty chair at the table...the south called, you know.  He told me the other day that he "forgot" that it would be getting cold up here.    And it's a strange feeling not knowing the new friends and new places.

Somewhere in the world today, someone put child locks on their cabinets....today, after 21 years, I took the child locks off of mine.

Somewhere in the world today, someone went out and bought a big tandem stroller, large enough to hold two bouncy toddlers and all the gear/stuff/junk it takes to care for them.....today I placed my Rolls-Royce of all tandem strollers......on a pile for trash pickup.  And I found that I glanced out the window several times to get a last look at it.  Had a strange feeling I should take a picture of it....

And I wonder, how in the world can I be sure that they are internalizing everything I'm trying to teach them...or that the ones that are already grown have already internalized it.  And the answer is...I can't.  I can just pray.  This week we've had talks on respect and marriage and godliness and work ethic....just a bit of light small talk.

Man, I love these kids.  Sometimes I feel like Lone Ranger Homeschool Mom...my mother, of course, is Tonto.  My sweet mother, who is completely tutoring one subject for me this year (and a doosey of a subject it is) - what a blessing.  I wouldn't trade having homeschooled this crew for anything in the world.  By the time I'm done, I will have homeschooled for 26 years, Lord willing, and I am still thankful daily that nobody gets on the bus in the morning.

As far as interjecting random thoughts...here goes:  When I am with my girls among their peers (ballet, etc), I am used to being older than all the other moms.  As a matter of fact, Gracie came home from ballet last week and told me all the girls were talking about how old all their 30-somethings mothers were.  "I decided to just be quiet," she said.   So, since I'm used to it....imagine how strange, when I sat with my 21yr old at Belmont orientation a few months back.  I was feeling very un-perky that day, having come off of a 12 hour drive followed by 3 hours of sleep...so I had that haggered-puffy-eyed-oldish kind a thing goin' on.  But, low and behold, I looked around the room, and it was a shock to my system...an unfamiliarity of sorts, because....

I was the SAME age as all the other moms in the room !!  I had a beautiful visit during a later session with another mom.  We discovered we were the same age.  I told her she looked beautiful in her 40-something-ness, and she told me I looked great in mine.

I thought it would get easier when everyone was "big"

But each morning these days welcomes me to life in a much faster lane than I ever traveled with a child on my hip.  I'm not sure if I keep up, because frankly, I haven't had time to assess whether I'm keeping up or not, and at times I feel I can't quite form an intelligent sentence.

So in honor of that...

Well, I did this once before...many, many years ago in my journal.  And I thought perhaps I'd do it again, but this time just throw it out there into cyberspace for posterity.....It is entitled:

                               Subjects I Touched on Today

The Puritans of the Massachusetts Bay Colony
The French Huguenots
The metric system
Unit Multipliers
Order of operations
Addition and subtraction fact families
Federal Reserve regulations on U. S. subsidiary banks
How to form cursive D's and F's
Booker T. Washington
Teddy Roosevelt and the Progressive reforms of the early 1900's.
Earthquakes and seismographs
Basic geography of China
Capital letters and periods
Giant pandas
Piano
The rotation of the earth makes night and day
Direct and indirect objects
Predicate nominitives and Predicate adjectives
The symbolism of Pilgrim's Progress
Reciprocals
College financial aid paperwork
Long division
Why Taft's presidency is viewed as somewhat of a failure
How to properly answer an essay question
The definition of a society
The polytheism of the ancient Sumerians
Harriet Tubman
And that the number one rule of this house is "We obey our Lord Jesus Christ"

...one day at a time

...because perseverance is not one long race; it is many short races...one after another
                               - Walter Elliot from The Spiritual Life


Probably some photos would be in order at this point, to grace the pages of my babblings.  So since I never yet added any of the kids individual shots, that seems a good place to start.

Gracie excitedly received the news that she will be among the dancers going up on pointe in the next few weeks at ballet.  So proud of you my sweet Grace.

                               

Well, Faith is on the far side of her eye surgery and her doctor is pleased with the results thus far.
It has definitely made a big difference as far as we can tell.  Her biggest worry when the doctor explained the surgery to her was how soon afterwards she would be allowed to read, and she actually choked back tears when she asked him how soon she could read.  Fortunately the answer was the very next day.  I have never seen a 6yr old child read like she does.  She reads constantly....she reads well, and one can easily tell by her spelling ability that I did not birth this child !!

She had a little trouble getting awake, and she told us MANY things when she was coming out of the anesthesia...

Faith:          (with her eyes still shut) "How do they get babies out of you?"
Aunt Sue:   "Didn't Jennie (her cousin who's an ob nurse) tell you about that?"
Faith:         "I thought they just drilled into you."

Faith:        "Tell everyone I'm wearing tacky pajamas (hospital gown) and I don't really like
                  wearing tacky clothes.  Just put that on twitter."

Faith:        (struggling to open her eyes) "Is it night time?"
Me:          "No, it's daytime."
Faith         (very upset) "I'm usually not this tired in the middle of the day!"

Nurse:      "Would you like a popsicle?"
Faith:        "Well, maybe just one.  I don't wanna get sick from too much sugar."


Faith:        "When we get home, can I sit on a chair instead of a stool? ....so I don't fall over."


                         

In honor of her 4th Gotcha Day a few weeks back, I was going to write a "Faith-isms" post.  I missed my mark, but I thought I'd add it here.

So, here we go....

FAITH...

On Baby Names

If I ever have a little girl and she has cheeks like mine that are puffy and they are a little bit pink...I'm gonna name her Rosy.


On Chinese Culture

I know why I talk so loud and so much...it's cause I'm just remembering how it used to be in China and that's what it's like there.


On Social Media

A lot of people follow me on twitter...that's cause I have a lot of tweets.


On Government Policy

Well....at least Obama doesn't just let people have only one child !!!!


On Dating

Faith:     Pappy, who do you have a crush on?
Pappy:  Gammy.
Faith:    No, no!  It can't be anyone you're related to!


On Her Brother

I just like staring at Mitchell whenever he has smiles, because his smile is so cute.


On Higher Education

I've heard of people having night classes...I don't even know what they are and I'd like to keep it that way!


                        

On Real Life

A day just doesn't seem like 24 hours.  It's longer if you're in real life, like a day in Earth.  Well, pretty much everyone is in real life, unless you're in heaven and then it probably doesn't feel like very long.


On Current World Leaders

George Washington D.C. is the governor of the United States.


On ...well, I'm really not sure...

I'm tellin' you...days have gone by that have never lived!!


On Old Testament History

The promise land...where everything gets promised.


On the History of Country Music

Faith:      (disgustedly) Tim McGraw's married ?!!
Grace:     Yes
Faith:       What's his wife's name?
Grace:      Faith
Faith:        ME??!!   I married him in China, but I ditched him.  I ditched him back in the 1800's during the  Silver War!

Not biased at all about this girl...we just happen to think she's the bomb!!

When I get a little choked up over how big the bigs are, then I see that colossal personality in pint-sized body sitting next to me.  That little one that told me, "I'm glad I have a big family now."  That little one that stands and knocks on my bathroom door every single time I go in, hollering through the door, "Mother, I just wanna ask you something!"  That little one that stuffed soft, homemade chocolate chip cookies into her purse yesterday.

"Mess?" you ask.
"Oh, yeah!" I reply.

...but, oh well.... they weren't in a cupboard that had ever had a child lock on it anyways.

Little bit of longing

So I've been a bit off balance.  A little out of sorts.   Been "kinda sad", ... that I can put my finger on...

But it's the "something else" that I can't quite name...

It's a little bit of "something's missing", a little bit of ache and a little bit of longing

There are some Momma Fears that we all share...I think.

Here's one...some day I'm gonna look back and wish I had spent more time, read more books, played more games, simply wish that I'd done, well, .........more.

I've thought about it, and continue to do so, with each child.  I thought about it the other day, but it came at me from a different angle.  It came at me from the far end looking back.  And I was surprised to find that the view was different than I had expected.  I don't remember the books I couldn't read or the games I couldn't play.....but I remember the things we DID read, and the things we DID play.     

cause when you pack up a piece of your heart and send it far away,

you don't wanna have any regrets

                         

The all-star jerseys beside the shirt that New York firefighters gave him

at the Shanksville memorial when he was twelve...that was an amazing day...

because sometimes you have a day where something extraordinary happens.

 Dozens of trophies and a mom wonders where all the time went...

but comfortingly, it's been a quarter to seven in his room for about the past five

 years....so,some things never change.

   

so you do whatcha gotta do...

we packed him up

and when we were loaded...

and after one final Sheetz stop since there aren't any there

we headed south...

and this is the view from his dorm....

Downtown Nashville

We got there early and had to wait till move-in time

What I believe to be the world's largest dorm room....

and amazingly 3 guitars, a pedal board, an amp, and an amp head all fit under the bed, as did the box for a 32" TV fondly known as his computer monitor...because who could ever run pro-tools to do music production on a regular size monitor ?!  That would be unthinkable.

and we made the typical walmart run...you know the one where the walmart around the corner is

full of moms and dads in university t-shirts, buying lamps and rugs, and such

and we bought a rug

and I should have bought more than one t-shirt... cause I'm gonna wear it out

  

Move-in weekend.... structured as a family event, with

 Saturday picnic and Sunday morning family worship.

Student games on the lawn, one of which appeared to be some

sort of dancing game, to which his brothers commented that they 

didn't feel he had enough "swag" to be participating in...

...and Matthew danced in the parking lot as he offered this comment regarding his brother

The music in this place!  Oh, the music...so much music... beautiful.  He will love it here, so much.  It is the school of his dreams...the city of his dreams.  

and the Dean told a story from his college experience. 

He said, "We were told, 'Look to your right and look to your left.  Soon only one of you will be left here'."  The Dean said, "I decided when I got a chance to speak into students' lives I would tell a different story."  Then he told the kids to look to their right...then look to their left.  He said, "You are here to help the people sitting beside you."  

Sunday morning family worship was wonderful.  Worship is our "thing" anyways.  So it was the one time that I let tears fall freely as I stood there lost among the hundreds of other parents with hands raised to the Father.

 I will never in all my days, with words spoken or sung, be able to give back to God even a small measure of what He has given to me by allowing me to lead worship with my sons.

eternally grateful

and then the college leadership donned their formal garb...

and they prayed for the students...that they would do their best, 

and that they would serve a purpose higher than themselves, and 

that they would remain true to the Lord.

I watched another mother extend her tears and hugging beyond their acceptable length as her son stood near a crowd of students...and I determined that I would never do that even though that's how I felt.

We left him far.  But we left him at the most beautiful music college in the country.  And we left him in the land of  "Yes, Ma'am" and "Yes, Sir".  It's so him.  So I know it's wonderful.  I watched him, my confident, competent son...and I knew it was so completely right up his alley.  And I know he's an adult, and I know he has waited a long, long time for this...but I was still thankful for sunglasses to hide the tears when we stepped out of the arena.

and his dad, my sweet man, said he'd walk with him a ways... you know, to tell him some things. 

 Whatever it is that dads tell sons.  And then, I watched him walk off...

So maybe I'm a little off balance, and maybe I'm not even quite whole right now, and maybe I even wonder a bit if God gave me a strong enough heart to be a mother, cause all that diapering....heck, that was a walk in the park!  But I know that the Father laid out this day for my son long before He gave him to me.  I know it's his time....and I know this is what he was meant to do at this moment in time..

....and I also know that joy is a choice...a daily choice, not something we always "feel", but something we choose to "be"... and I always want to be joyful.  I do.  Because my goodness, the God of the Universe loves us and isn't that reason enough even without all the plethora of blessings He pours on us?  

So I'll choose joy...really I will...and I'll even get back to being not "off-balance" too... 

....maybe tomorrow