With Grateful Hearts

I have put off writing this post for a number of days because I simply have not been able to conjure up enough brain power to put this all in writing...

The other day, Mitchell and I took Faith to the local Chinese Restaurant. It was a most fascinating visit. She was greatly disturbed when the owner and his wife spoke to her in Mandarin. She was disturbed by even the sight of them and when they spoke to her in Mandarin, she would furrow her brow deeply and turn away. So, we ordered her something to eat and thought maybe if we sat there for a while she would become more comfortable and begin to answer them. We were wondering if she would say anything (even a word or two) to them in Chinese. (I must add here that if you remember, she was a regular chatterbox in China. She spoke to all our waiters and store clerks and such and entertained them greatly and we couldn't understand a word she said. She spoke extremely well for her age. Even the doctor in China told our guide to tell us that she had an amazing amount of language for her age.) Anyways, we wanted to see if, after 4 months, she would still say anything in Chinese when spoken to.

It was amazing. (When I tell this story, I am not exaggerating or saying that I'm glad for her reactions. I am just telling the story.) We know that she actually processed the difference between the languages, people, and time in her young life. She, very much by choice, refused to say anything in Chinese. He would ask her a question like, "Is your rice good?" and she would, like I said, furrow her brow and turn away. I said, "Answer him, honey." And she would always say, "No, I have to chew." He said something and she quickly looked up and looked right at him, and he said, "She know just what I say!" And I had no doubt, by her reaction, that she did indeed know. (I'm so sorry that I don't remember what it was, he did tell me.) I asked the owner how to say "eat your rice" and he showed me. I then said it to her in mandarin...she looked at me and very seriously said, "No, mommy, stop it!"

The owner's two little boys came walking into the restaurant after school and I said to Faith, "Tell them Ni Hao." She said, "No, mommy, I like a Hi" We were floored by the thought process in this. She understood both, very blatantly chose the English word, and communicated that to me in no uncertain terms.

During the visit, he wrote Xiu ru (Faith's Chinese name) in Chinese characters for us. Once when her back was turned to him, he called out her Chinese name and she turned around quickly and looked at him.

We had some very interesting conversation with him. He said he and his wife have been here a few years and they rarely see any other Chinese people. (We live in a rural community) I could tell they loved seeing her. He said, "One other Chinese family. They come in. We sit and talk. We very happy." It took me a while to explain how we got her because he did not know what the word orphanage meant. I told him, "No mother, No father, big building for all the children." "Oh.." then he knew.
He talked about children and language because, of course, his little boys speak both languages. He said, "She here a little while and she will not remember. Little child get a new brain very fast."

I told him that I think it is sad that she is losing/will lose her Chinese, and he said, "You let her be American girl now...China, forget about it. She a very lucky girl. You know she a lucky girl? Thank you. Thank you for bringing her here. She not have a chance in China."

When we were leaving, he said good-bye to her in Chinese and she turned around and said, "Bye" in English. She understood it...and she translated it.

It was a fascinating visit. On the drive home, Mitchell said, "Boy, that was interesting wasn't it?" Later that day, I went down to the family room and told Mitchell, "Thanks for going with me, that was fascinating." He said, "I was just gonna come and tell you the same thing."

One tiny visit, one big picture. We saw two people...from one culture. One mid-life and one just a babe. We saw the babe process two languages and understand that one meant her old life and one meant her new...and more importantly, we saw her choose her new life over her old. We caught a glimpse of the gratefulness felt by a middle-aged man who, from what we learned in China, probably waited at least fifteen years for a visa to come here. We saw him process two lifestyles, one his old and one his new...and more notablty, we saw him express gratitude for the new.

So..I've been thinking...
Are we grateful? Are we a grateful people? Are we grateful enough??


And our birthday of the month. Matthew turns 14! Here's his Polamalu cake, thanks to his cousin Jennie. To be followed by the Polamalu jersey. We love you Ma!!