Corner Number Three

Off to Ballet



Playing Mini Golf with the Cousins


I find myself wondering how many corners one can round until you've come full circle. We have rounded our third. And in my heart I know...it is I who rounded it. I've been told, "Watch what you write." But I can only write what's on my heart. And because I know there are other adoptive or would-be adoptive moms out there reading this, I can write nothing less.


I say it is I who rounded the corner because Friday, God began to answer my prayer to peel away the uncertainty of how to look into the face of this beautiful little child that I did not bear, and love her the way she needs to be loved. There have been crazy 'stages' to go through as we adjust, and there has been competition for my love. Thursday I cried alot. The weight of all the drastic changes in our lives gave way to tears. ..but Friday I looked on her with different eyes, as if Thursday's tears had washed away the haze that clouded my view. It has not been easy and I have much further to go, but I feel God placing her as a permanent fixture in my heart. I have gone through feelings of guilt and sadness, joy and uncertainty...but because Faith will read this some day, I want her to know that we didn't just pick her up and merrily go on with life as usual. But we laughed and cried and learned many things along the way. We didn't know each other, we didn't understand each others words, we didn't understand each others tears. But someday I want her to understand this...that she grew in my heart, and that what I always thought was compassion..had no legs to stand on until she walked in.

We are plodding our way through the loss of having Daddy working a mile down the road and accessible to the kids at all times. This has hit me harder than I would have imagined. Here are a few good things about being more on my own...I have written them here to cheer myself in some manner: I now know how to renew car registrations online and I even know where to put that tiny little registration sticker. I now know what a 'vin' number is. I have spent hours on the phone with our insurance salesman, and overseen the repair of several household units.

Thanks for praying about Faith's great anxiety regarding sleeping and waking. It is difficult for her anytime she is about half awake or half asleep. You can continue to pray for her in that manner. Her English is coming along. She speaks many phrases: "Wash your hands, Brush your teeth, Gotta go to the potty, Are you all done, etc." She has a little backpack that she possesses with a vengence! She carries all her most prized treasures in it...a few bills of monopoly money which she calls "yuan" (we heard pretty quickly in China that when the Chinese people pronounce this word, it sounds almost exactly like "yen" and so does she...she says "yen"), an old Pittsburgh Pirates baseball game ticket, a baggie of peanuts, a little red matchbox car, a hair barrette, a mini flip-flop keyring, and a few cards from the game PayDay.


Saturday Gracie caught Faith taking something downstairs that shouldn't be down there. "You need to take that upstairs," Gracie said.
"Boo-yow (no)," yelled Faith.
"Yes," said Gracie.
"Boo-yow"
"Yes"
"Boo-yow"
...well, we thought it was funny.

Sunday we visited a sister church where I had to sing and Faith walked right in, had a cookie, smiled and played with the other kids. It amazed me.
Gracie has been trying so hard to teach her to rock a baby doll and then play like she's putting it to bed. She has been trying to teach her to cuddle stuffed animals too and it is beginning to work a bit. This is significant because for the first couple weeks we had her, when we would act like we were patting a baby doll or something she would bat it away. The display of affection seemed to anger her. We can only guess it's because nobody ever showed affection to her. We have all also been working really hard to get her attached to a blankie because I think having a comfort object would be so good for her. It is working a little bit I guess.

This afternoon I found her setting out the little glass tea set and ever-so-gently acting as if she were pouring tea. She also stood at the mirror and pretended she was putting on makeup. Little normal things like this seem like such great victories to me. The most significant thing was that when Gracie and I sat down to the tea party, Faith folded her hands together and said, "Pray." Gracie and I then said a prayer and she repeated every word of it. Praise the Lord!

Gracie had Faith helping her clean her room on Sunday and then she would give her prizes. Gracie said, "It's nice having a little sister to help me clean up my room."
The boys really want me to try to preserve her use of the word "boo-yow". I had no interest in doing that for a long time because she would scream it at me in China and it really left a bad ring in my ear...but now that she says it cute, my heart is softening a bit to the idea :)

It's so amazing to me how much more every little thing means to me now. I know I hug my friends mercilessly. I made one friend put her car window down in the parking lot of the dollar store the other day just so I could hug her. I know just the sight of my mother brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm loving more or needing loved more...?? hmmm...maybe both

...and yes....this is Ritchey's Ice Cream


Much love to you all
From corner number three